Tag Archives: Hot Ones

That’s just unnecessary

Yes folks, I’m still alive!  It’s been a long time, but those rumours that your friendly neighbourhood chilli hobbit had ceased to exist are very wide of the mark…I’m still traversing this sceptred isle flogging chilli goodies…I’m still supporting Swindon Town in the futile hope that they’ll win something…and I’m still chompy as hell about Brexit.

So why the long radio silence?

Well, it’s largely down to the fact that, despite all  evidence to the contrary, it does take a while to piece together one of these posts.  And frankly, it’s been a busy few months, what with all the chilli selling and stuff!  I seem to be out and about on a never-ending haunted merry-go-round of events – some big, some not-so-big, and lots of corporate days – which is something that I’ve picked up big time since I last assailed you with  what passes for my ‘thoughts’.  So whereas, in previous times, I’d have weekdays to fill with random acts of coffee drinking and blogging, now I’m normally found in a big office somewhere pretending to be professional.

It’s all good fun actually, it’s mostly indoor trading – which is nice – and very often comes with free coffee – if you recall, the basic diet of the common-or-garden hobbit consists mainly of chocolate, coffee and bacon sarnies.  More importantly, it’s been a tidy source of revenue, which is why I keep going back!

So what else has filled my time since my last post?  Well, the fellow Terry Pratchett fan that I met in Salisbury 18 months ago is still very much part of the picture – in fact we’re buying a house together (subject to contract, terms and conditions apply, yadda yadda…).  Alison has proved to be the perfect foil for my lunacy, inasmuch as she is quite engagingly barking in her own right, with sproglets to match.  And she likes chilli sauce.  Let’s face it, it was never going to work if she hated it!

So I’m emigrating…to Somerset.  I’m assured it’s OK down there, it’s not that far away really, it won’t really affect which events I do, and they still talk funny so I’ll fit in a treat.  Needless to say, the Weston super Mare branch of the Swindon Town Supporters Club will be small but vociferous!

Talking of sport (I know, tenuous linking Swindon Town and sport together like that), I made my cricket comeback this summer.  Having not played for about 5 years I was somewhat creaky to say the least, and in fact aggravated an old skiing injury whilst attemptimg to bowl.  On the plus side, I can still land it on a line and length…on the minus side, my knee crumbled faster than BoJo’s no deal Brexit logic 😦  Oh well, I tried.

On the chilli farm front we’ve recently brought out a new, improved, even more mental version of Regret.  I’m reliably informed that the heat level has now gone from ‘butt clenching’ to ‘you bastard’.  I’ve not tasted it myself, which makes it unique in our range – I’ve tasted everything else, including Chipotle Mustard, and I bloody hate mustard.  But I really don’t feel the need for an experience of the kind brought on by sauces measured in millions on the SHU scale, so I’m going nowhere near it.  I fully expect I will taste it accidentally at some point – I’ve ingested enough God Slayer over the years by mistake – so I’ll report back if I survive the experience.

Now…Hot Ones…yes, THAT Hot Ones.  If you’ve not noticed, we’re on it – making us the first British company to get a sauce on there.  Are we chuffed?  Maybe just a little smug?  You bloody bet we are!  To hear celebs wax lyrical about Trinidad Scorpion is just awesome 😀  My favourites quotes are:

  • Trevor Noah – “That’s just unnecessary”
  • Joe Jonas – “Holy shit”
  • Kristen Bell – “That’s good, that’s hot – put that on the bottle!”

Now of course some the celebs on he show are big in ‘Murica, which means an old git like me will be left utterly baffled by their celebness…but it’s been great viewing, and of course fantastic publicity.

And Idris Elba was on there.  Everyone loves Idris Elba.  Women loves Idris Elba.  Men love Idris Elba.  Idris Elba loves Idris Elba, but does it in a way that doesn’t annoy you, making you love Idris Elba just that little bit more…

With that, I’m going to stop ranting now.  Well probably not once I turn on the news, but I’ll stop ranting in your direction at least.

And as Johann Sebastian said – I’ll be Bach…

I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!