We Ate’nt Dead

Hello everyone…it’s been some time, hasn’t it?  Soz.

You may be asking just where the hell I’ve been since April, when I last spewed forth my rambling thoughts about lockdown, Covid-19 and life in general.  Well, the simple answer is this – I’ve not been far.  No-one has, dammit.

Life in the pandemic is, and has been for some considerable time now, just a big steaming bag of poo.  We’re now in Lockdown 3, and just like the Star Trek movies, the odd numbers are a bit crap:

  • Lockdown 1: The Motion Picture – tedious, dull, but we’d not seen anything like it so we just got on with it.  And the weather was nice.
  • Lockdown 2: The Wrath of Khan – we knew what to expect, it wasn’t as tedious as first one ‘cos the kids were at school, and I swear I saw Ricardo Montalban in Asda.
  • Lockdown 3: The Search for Spock – proving to be a snooze fest already.  Already bored with it, and we’re only a week in.  I no longer care where Spock is, whether he’s alive, or which Transformer he’s turned himself into.

Anyway…back to reality, whatever that is.  There are now 3 vaccines approved for use, and I actually know people that have had at least one of the jabs, so it’s not just a PR stunt driven by tory propaganda.  I don’t believe for one minute that having the buffoon Latin-spewing scarecrow in charge of the country is actually speeding up the process – I have long since been of the opinion that this country could pretty well run itself without any irritating government (of any flavour) in charge, much like Belgium did the other year.  They lasted 589 days in 2010-11 without a federal government, to no ill effect whatsoever – I visited the country several times in that period, and I can safely say that beer was still readily available, chocolate was plentiful, and the ever-present veneer of weirdness that they’ve cultivated over the years was still very much present.

But with COVID-19 dominating everything over the last year, it’s been a weird old time.  Naturally, events have been decimated, especially at Christmas.  My usual festive appearance in Salisbury didn’t happen, pretty much every other big event bit the dust, and the one big market we did get into – Nottingham – was binned after one day thanks to the public not being able (whether willing or not) to socially distance.  A couple of us started local delivery services around our home locations, and that brought in a bit of extra dosh – for me, enough to pay the tax bill – but not much else. 

The last time I posted I mentioned I was working at the big Tesco warehouse in Avonmouth, which was – to be honest – not very high on the list of Great Enjoyable Hobbit Experiences.  Cold, tiring work, and not good for my dodgy knees (especially the one I buggered up skiing a few years ago) – but it was money, and for that I’m thankful.  I saw out the original 3-month contract OK, then went part-time with the agency that supplies staff to Tesco for another 3 months – and after that I got pretty busy with what events I could find, and running my local delivery stuff, so they politely told me that it would be better off if I didn’t come in any more.  To be honest I wasn’t terribly disappointed.  Still, I managed to collect 3 separate P45’s last year, that’s a new record!

The one thing that working at Tesco did do was make me fitter.  Lots of lifting heavy boxes, in a cold environment, burnt off a boatload of calories.  Now of course, those boxes ain’t getting moved, and the pounds are creeping back on.  Lockdown walks are a frequent thing, but I’d have to walk to Benbecula some days to counteract the chocolate mountain I’m working my way through.  I could go to the gym, of course…oh wait. 

And now…it’s all quiet on the western front.  The Christmas rush is over, events are – even more than is usual for January – at a minimum – and my plan to sell my body on the streets has been scuppered by social distancing (what do you mean, that’s not the main reason?).  We’re all looking for new and improved ways to generate our fortune – lots of interesting plans bubbling away – and despite everything, we’re pretty excited by what the year might bring. 

But right now, I’m keeping my head down and delaying the order for the yacht yet again.  Much like Gloria Gaynor (for whom I am often mistaken – it’s the heels, you know) I will survive…though I may have stress eaten my own body weight in snacks by then.

That’s it for now – I’ll be back before long with another update.  In the meantime – stay well, stay safe, and keep washing those hands.


“If you trust in yourself…and believe in your dreams…and follow your star…you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.”

Terry Pratchett, from “The Wee Free Men”

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